Navigating Grief and Growth: Empowering Women to Embrace Discomfort for a Healthier, Happier Life

What if embracing discomfort could be the key to transforming your life? Join host Heather Carey in this deeply moving episode of Real Food Stories as she sits down with empowerment coach Christina Ramirez, author of the inspiring book Empowered by Discomfort. Christina opens up about her personal journey through profound grief after losing her husband and how she turned her pain into a powerful catalyst for growth and empowerment. Together, they explore the complex landscape of discomfort, challenging the notion that we should shy away from it. Instead, they advocate for embracing discomfort as a vital part of our personal food journeys and overall well-being.

Christina introduces her groundbreaking ‘20% power principle of discomfort,’ a concept that encourages listeners to acknowledge that while discomfort is an inevitable part of life, it doesn’t have to overshadow our existence. This insightful discussion delves into the critical difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset, emphasizing how adopting the latter can unlock resilience and personal transformation. As a culinary nutritionist, Heather relates these principles to healthy eating tips and the importance of mindset in nutrition and health.

Throughout the conversation, listeners are inspired to confront their discomforts and view challenges as opportunities for growth. This episode is a treasure trove of insights for anyone looking to navigate the complexities of midlife, menopause health, and personal empowerment. Christina and Heather also touch on how food beliefs and culture influence our relationship with discomfort and self-care. With a focus on sustainable eating and mindful eating practices, they provide practical advice for women seeking to nourish their bodies while embracing their midlife journeys.

Whether you’re on a weight loss journey, exploring the Mediterranean diet, or simply looking to enhance your culinary wellness, this episode offers valuable takeaways. Discover how to cultivate a healthy lifestyle, overcome food confusion, and empower your menopause journey through the lens of discomfort. Tune in for a heartfelt conversation that encourages you to find peace and empowerment through your struggles, and learn how to make healthy lifestyle choices that resonate with your personal food stories.

Don’t miss this opportunity to shift your perspective on discomfort and embrace the growth it can bring. Join Heather and Christina as they empower women to navigate midlife changes with confidence and grace, transforming their relationship with food, health, and themselves.

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Transcript:

Speaker #0
Well, hello, everybody, and welcome back. And if you are just tuning in with me for the very first time, it’s so nice to meet you. And I’m really glad you’re here with me today. I am your host, Heather Carey, nutritionist, chef, mom, and a woman who has been around the block with food. I want to open up about real food in relation to health, weight, and our bodies so you can make peace with what you eat. Hey everybody and welcome back to the Real Food Stories podcast. Today I am so excited to share with you my conversation I recently had with Christina Ramirez who is an empowerment coach. Christina has a truly heartfelt story about living with discomfort and the power she gained personally, professionally, and how we can do the same. In a world of quick gratification and quick fixes, Christina teaches us how to slow down, live in the discomfort, and thrive from it. So I hope you take the time to listen to this very important conversation I had with Christina Ramirez.

Speaker #1
Hi, Christina. So I wanted to introduce today Christina Ramirez.

Speaker #0
Christina Ramirez is a serial entrepreneur, author, and empowerment coach helping clients from children to corporations redefine what is possible for themselves, their families, companies, and communities. Christina is a best-selling author of the book Empowered by Discomfort, where she shares the tools she used to survive the worst year of her life after her husband asked to be taken off life support. These are the same tools she has been teaching clients for years. She believes in the 20% power principle of discomfort, that everyone faces challenges. The goal is not to live a challenge-free life, but to welcome discomfort and face challenges with confidence. Christina also created the Empower Fit curriculum, teaching growth mindset to children through running games. She then took some of the most powerful lessons of Empower Fit. and adapted to an adult audience, empowering teams and corporations and institutions. So welcome, Christina. So nice to have you here today. So I wanted to start out, you’ve given me a lot to think about because I know that we don’t like discomfort in our society. We want fast and easy. We want quick fixes. You can see this. I mean, I see this all the time with women in dieting. We want quick and fast. quick 30 pounds off. We want this with work. We want this even in our leisure time just to be fast and easy, right? With almost like with no effort. Feeling the discomfort and uneasy feelings is hard, but it’s typically so rewarding, right? There is something about being in the discomfort. Yet I believe that most people are really terrified of the discomfort because They feel like they’ll be stuck in a state of discomfort all the time that if they have to face it, they might not ever get out of it. And I know that you went through a significant period of intense discomfort with your own husband dying. Can you talk to me more about that and how it got you to write your book, Empowered by Discomfort?

Speaker #1
Yeah. So, I mean, I too want things nice and easy, right? And simple. But I just realized that that’s an illusion and it doesn’t serve us, right? Because our searching for nice and easy is ignoring what the reality is that there is some discomfort and there will always be discomfort. So sometimes that discomfort is very big and overwhelming. So my husband Thank you. was diagnosed with cancer. And seven weeks later, he had died. And it was like, it was a nightmare. We were in the ICU for 11 days. And in the end, you know, if you would have told me, you know, the right then is like, Oh, don’t worry, Christina, this is just a discomfort that you’re feeling. But you know, I’d probably right. Right. So there are times in life where it’s just like too much. But What I realized as I started my grieving process and trying to redefine who I was again, you know, now as a widow, single mom of two teenage boys, I realized that I was using on me the same thing that I’ve been talking all along. And instead of, you know, so when my grief hit me, and it’s not just grief, because it’s, you know, like, grief is very individual, and everybody has a way of process it. And, you know, there’s no right or wrong because it’s just such an intense emotion. But, you know, with grief, I would also have fear. I would have doubt, you know, like if I had to make a decision, like I didn’t have my partner in crime to be like, hey, what do you think about this? Like, it’s this loneliness, like all these other emotions that came up with grief. And instead of me trying to be like, oh, let me just. push that down or let me eat a chocolate or let me call a friend or like I sat with it and I said, okay, I’m feeling this feeling. I’m feeling anxiety. I’m feeling loneliness. I’m feeling sadness. I’m feeling fear. And I just sat with it and I tried to just play with it. And my whole relationship with this comfort started changing because I was no longer afraid of feeling it. You know, so I started writing a book and, you know, then it goes one step further is like, don’t be afraid of feeling it. But also instead of it being something that you’re avoiding or you’re kind of like you’re trying to not be afraid of it. It’s like, look at it and be like, OK, let’s go. There we are. Like embrace it, because that’s what’s going to that’s where the magic is. You know, it’s when I feel fear and I feel it and I think about it and I. sit with it and I analyze it and I work with it, then I overcome it and I get to know it. And it’s the only way to, you know, like I stopped feeling fear and I start feeling peace. So when an emotion, a discomfort comes up, instead of hiding away from it on the other side of it, it’s going to be growth. It’s going to be peace. So go for it. You know, like just do the right there is going to be something completely different that you haven’t felt before. That was a very long winded answer, but no,

Speaker #0
that’s that’s great. I mean, I think what I’m hearing is that you I’m sure you had to make a lot of these unbelievably challenging decisions while your husband was in the hospital. And it sounds to me like it’s almost a mix of like really getting still. using your intuition. I mean, you had to almost like use like some like inner, like really trust your inner knowing to make these life-changing decisions and, and just, and just not getting scared to sit with feelings, right. With feelings that are uncomfortable sometimes.

Speaker #1
Yeah. So to tell you the truth, like those, those days in the ICU, it was mostly, you know, So like when you’re stressed, like your brain is just filled with stress. stress chemicals, and it’s very hard to find that center. So I feel like those 11 days, I was kind of in the twilight zone, you know, and I was just, I was doing things and everything was like, well, the risk are blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and death, like their life and death decisions that I was making all the time. And so I think I just like, you just survive that moment, You just do the best you can at that moment. But it’s. After when you can access a little bit more of that thinking brain where you’re not in flight or flight, where you’re just like, okay, that’s when the hard work comes in. Because when the stress is there, you’re just like acting and like your intuition kicks in or whatever it is that your training comes in and boom, you’re just doing what you got to do. After when the dust starts to settle, that’s when all the discomfort started bubbling up for me. All the like. oh my God, what just happened? Like, oh my gosh, you know, like, what am I going to do? Like what, you know, all the things that come after it, that was, you know, that’s when the discomfort started to really come in and, and, and where I had to learn to handle it.

Speaker #0
Yeah. There’s almost when you’re in the crisis,

Speaker #1
right?

Speaker #0
You, your brain, I don’t know what, there might be something. There might be a name for that, but you know, you’re like, you are like, okay, quick decisions, right? Like you have to just, you’re not thinking you’re sort of almost numb to everything. And then when things sort of settle a little bit, right. Is when you can, then you start feeling the feelings of grief and then you have to really get still with yourself. And I guess not be afraid. I mean, right. What is that saying? The only way to get around something is through. And I don’t think I’m saying that right. But being comfortable with the discomfort is what is necessary.

Speaker #1
And the thing we all have it right. It’s not that like, oh, I have discomfort because my husband died. Like you have this. Kids have discomfort. My neighbor has that. We all have discomfort. They’re just different flavors. What I try to say in my book is like. So what? Right. Like challenges. There will always be a challenge and challenge is a good thing. Challenges is like flashing lights that say, hey, pay attention to me because this is where we have to go now to grow. You know, and with food and with health, you know, until somebody feels that discomfort in their health, they’re not going to take an action. So if you’re feeling uncomfortable about your health or if you’re feeling uncomfortable about your weight, that’s like a sign from the, you know, saying it’s like, hey, pay attention because. This is where we’ve got to work on now. And once you solve that, it’s something else and it’ll be something else. And that’s okay.

Speaker #0
Yeah. I think that’s what a lot of people just, right. There’s some, something like a little tapping you on the shoulder and, you know, I want to pay attention to this. And a lot of people like to try to dodge the bullet, you know, and see if they can, you know, how much that they can actually get away with until, and then that like the crisis kind of comes and then they have to make those almost similar, like quick decisions or, you know. get on medications or do something like that. And then sitting with the, like having to do like the work, the harder work and the like, right. The discomfort we, yeah. Most people don’t like that. I think because of the fear of what, of the unknown of what it can bring. Yeah. It can be really painful.

Speaker #1
Yeah. But, but you know, like usually the fear is bigger than the thing itself. Right. Like, so that all that anxiety of trying to push something down or was like, I don’t want to look at it because, oh, my God, that’s usually worse than the thing itself. Because once you are working in your discomfort, it’s almost like you have to make a decision to go there. Right. I give this example, like, you know, imagine that your whole life you’ve wanted to dive off like those platforms, you know, like the Olympics, you know, like those really high diving things. because I’m terrified of heights, but pretend, you know, that, that, that’s really what you’ve always wanted to do, but there was none in your community. So it’s like, oh, I wish I could do it, but I can’t, you know, wish I wish, oh, it’s beautiful. And you watch the Olympics and, you know, you’re with your kids and you go to a resort and guess what there is a fricking dive board. They’re like, oh my God, mom, you can do it. You can do it. Oh. And you’re like, so, you know, and you’re inventing, you look and you’re like, damn, that’s high. I had no idea it was going to be this high. And so you’re… walk up and it’s like really scary. And then you’re up in the platform and you’re looking down and it’s like really far down. That’s the worst place because it’s the fear of doing that thing. Jump, it’s done, right? You’re, you’re jumping, you’re swimming, you’re, you’re taking action and then you feel great. So once you decide, okay, I’m going to do this. half of that fear goes away because now your focus is not on the fear of what if it’s on the okay let me do this what’s the next step let me get through this as fast as I can you know like what must I do let me just do it and then you’ll be on the other side before you know it yeah

Speaker #0
I think that our brains want to keep us safe right so getting up onto that diving board you know and thinking like there’s that other voice in your head that’s like don’t do that that’s stupid you know, like. What if you get hurt? What if something happens? What if?

Speaker #1
You’re a mother.

Speaker #0
Yeah, you’re a mother. How could you be so careless? And that’s, you know, so that feeling of needing to be safe, right, probably holds us back a lot in some things. I mean, do you feel like, you know, you wrote this whole book geared around your husband’s death. Were there other times before him dying and that experience that you… you know, that, that you had this experience with just being in the discomfort zone that then almost prepared you for, you know, one of the, the biggest, you know, tragedies of your life.

Speaker #1
Yeah. So absolutely. So when I was in my thirties, like early, I had just turned 30, I was suicidal. I mean, I was, I was a meth and I did a lot of drugs and I landed myself in a mental institution. and I’m not like, it’s, it’s not even embarrassing, but sometimes I say these things and I’m just like, but, um, but I don’t mind sharing that because that was 20 years ago. I’m not that person anymore. Right. And I can with compassion and empathy. And if it helps somebody out there, then I’m very willing to share my story. Um, so I was in the, in the mental ward and, um, and that’s where I hit my quote unquote, my bottom. And. I remember being there and thinking, you know, it’s like, I’m not an idiot. Like if I really wanted to die, I would have died. Right. This is like, there’s something. And what I didn’t understand is that like, I didn’t want to die, but I wanted to stop feeling the way I was feeling. And, you know, so I wanted that part of me to kind of be done and over with, but I didn’t think, you know, in my, in that state that, that, that was possible. So when I finally realized. Like, okay, I don’t want to die. Or if I’m going to live, I need to learn how to live. That was a whole nother process of rediscovering myself, of recreating who I was, of facing all the discomfort that got me to that point where I wanted to kill myself, you know? So when Joe died, like I held his hand as he took his last breath and it was, I mean, I was not calm. whatsoever. Like I was, I was a mess. And I remember the worst part. And I write this in the book was when I got home for the first time. And it’s like, every like he was never gonna go back there. But he was still there, like his coffee cup was still in the dishwasher, you know, his glass, all his things. And like, I fell to the floor. And I like I was unconsolably sad. And just like, I don’t know what I was feeling. But even in that moment, there was a little light inside of me that said, you know, it’s like, you thought your life was over before. And everything that I had after the moment that I got sober was everything that I ever wished for. I mean, Joe was the love of my life. We had this amazing family. We did all kinds of things. Like we really lived life on our terms. Thank you. That little voice was just like, we’ve, you know, we’ve been here before. It’s going to be okay. You know,

Speaker #0
it might,

Speaker #1
it’s going to be different. It’s going to be hard, but he died, but I didn’t. And I still have two kids that I need to shepherd through life. So that was like a really pivotal, like knowing that in the depth of my despair, I think was like a saving grace for me.

Speaker #0
It sounds like you, you had a. really good initial experience when you were much younger, which doesn’t, I don’t, it sounds like it almost seems like a different world or different life, right? Because it’s like not the person you are right now, but it’s set the foundation for staying safe, right? And getting into like facing the discomfort of living life and almost prepared you for the tragedy that you were about to face.

Speaker #1
Yeah. And it’s like, it’s, it’s about the. process of it, right? It’s like the circumstances are different, but the process of, okay, I’ve got to start over. I’ve got to rethink, you know, I’ve got to rethink my priorities. I’ve got to kind of get to know, like really understand who I am now compared to who I was. Like all those things I had to do 20 years ago when I was getting sober were things that I had to do this first year as a widow, which is a lot of the stuff that I put. in the book, you know, because it’s just, it’s the same process, different circumstance, but it’s the same, like, if you want your results to change, you’ve got to do things differently, you know, like, so, so, yeah, yeah, interesting journey.

Speaker #0
Yeah, no, to say the least. I know you say in your book, even in my worst moments, when it hurt to breathe, and when it felt like my world was falling apart. I knew that there would be light again and that knowledge helped me put one foot in front of the other until I was able to see more clearly. To me, that sounds like a mindset lingo, you know, like it’s, you know, there’s the what is a fixed mindset versus growth mindset and. which I’ve heard, you know, in other venues before. But to me, when I read that, I said, oh, that sounds like, you know, that’s a total like different attitude versus, you know, like, I can’t, I don’t, this is too overwhelming to me. I don’t, I don’t, I don’t have this. Like, I am not, I’m not prepared for this. I’m not, it sounds like you were ready for the challenge, even though it’s, it’s a horrifically painful. What do you think about mindset? Is this important to you to think of it in this way?

Speaker #1
Oh, absolutely. I mean, I, I’ve made a career of teaching growth mindset, right, to kids and corporates and all and everybody in between. And it’s, you know, it’s the ability to go in there and understand this is not the end of the world. This is the end of the world as I know it, but it’s not the end of the world. And your mindset, you know, so a fixed mindset is when somebody believes that you either have it or you don’t. You’re born, you know, you’re born good at math or you’re not born good at math. And that’s it. And you can’t develop it. You just like, it’s like you’re set, right? Like those are the boundaries of where you can act. And the growth mindset is. Any talent, any skill, anything really can be developed over time with effort. So I may not have be naturally inclined for math, but if I really wanted to go to MIT and study calculus when I worked hard, you know, chances are that I could do it. It’s within the possibility. So those are the things that I teach. And mindset has 100% to do with it. Because if I was in the mindset of like, well, you know, I. I was married and now I’m not. And that’s it. Like you get married. Like if I had the belief that you only get married once and you know, when, you know, and, and I’m not, not that I’m like looking for any, but, but that thought is like, you only have one shot at happiness, right? You only have one shot to look like this. And in my case, it had to look like myself and my husband and my two kids and my two dogs and two cats. And, you know, and I wasn’t. willing to be able to find happiness without that that was really difficult what I found was difficult is being able to look and be like okay my family has changed and I can still find happiness with this is a really hard thought to have in grief but it was what actually pulled me out if I didn’t have that mindset I think my grief would have stuck around Thank you. The grief never leaves you, but I think it would have been even harder to do that. So the mindset that nothing is permanent, everything changes. And as long as you are okay and, you know, there are things to be grateful for, everything is going to be okay. You know, that’s my belief. I have a belief that nothing is impossible other than. things that go against the rules of nature, right? Like no amount of money in the world could have saved Joe’s life. And I can’t be an adult and die a baby, but for everything else, there’s MasterCard, right? For everything else, there’s money. You can solve it. And so when you come from that, that’s also a really important part of this mindset of like, I can solve this. I can fix this. I can quote unquote fix this, or I can just. walk through it to create something else that will also have to be fixed at some point. Yeah.

Speaker #0
I think that the concept of mindset and growth mindset is so essential. Of course, it’s not going to take away your level of grief or how you process grief. I think that’s all very individual to everybody. And without apology, I mean, if it takes you the rest of your life to process the grief, then it takes you the rest of your life. I mean, that might never go away, But I think that mindset can open you up. like you said, like to possibilities, right? It doesn’t close you in. And just because you said, or that if your idea is husband and wife and two kids and something trips you up, then you can’t be happy. I think mindset is just incredibly essential, especially how I work with women as a nutritionist. I talk to my clients a lot about this. concept of mindset, being open to the possibilities of getting out of the thinking about diets and thinking that there might, there is a way to food freedom, you know, and peace with your body. And it doesn’t mean having to go on a punishing diet for some, for some of my clients, it’s almost impossible. They can’t, they can’t think outside of their, their fixed mindset box. And for others, you know, they… they look at it as a, almost like an adventure, curiosity and with, and like I said, possibility. So I think mindset is really crucial in all areas of our life.

Speaker #1
And especially I think with food, like when you were saying that it’s like, you have to have the mindset that you can change, but also that you can become someone who thinks differently, right? Like, so. if somebody has been eating cheeseburgers and French fries every day for their whole lives, and now they have a health issue and now they have to eat, you know, green or they have to eat a fish sandwich, whatever, you know, like they it’s not just about the action is like they have to become somebody who eats fish. Like their identity has to change from like, well, I’m just somebody that eats cheeseburger three times a day to, oh, I’m somebody that eats fish. And so that it’s not something that you do. It’s who you are. The, you know, your actions of like doing the things and eating healthier and trying new things will slow. Like if, if your identity doesn’t change with it, it’s a really easy to revert back because deep down, you’re just the girl that eats cheeseburgers. So mindset for me is, is it’s everything. If there is not shift, then it’s just something that you do. And if what you do is different than who you are, oh, that’s like a struggle.

Speaker #0
I think one thing that, that locks us into a fixed mindset sometimes is the prevalence of social media. And I know I grabbed another quote off of your website because you were, You had so many great things to say there, but you said- this idea that life is Instagram worthy every day is plain wrong, if not dangerous. We start believing there must be something wrong with us if we feel discomfort and discontent because our insides do not match what we see on social media. Again, I work with a lot of women in midlife, especially who are challenged with body image issues, dieting misperceptions. They’re wanting that quick fix. And social media just is a perfect target for especially, I mean, not only just for women. for young girls, you know, it starts, you know, when they were young, but women in midlife, I mean, if you go on to anywhere on Instagram and look up menopause diet, midlife diet, it is, you will just drown in it. And it’s an especially, I think, vulnerable time of our lives being in our, you know, fifties and losing our periods and going through perimenopause and menopause. And I think that there’s just a… beliefs just bound on social media that getting older and losing our periods is just plain wrong. You know, it’s just, it’s just, there’s no other option, but just to like force yourself to like stay young and, and do whatever you can to do that. And then, you know, there’s just diets and crazy books like are all over the place. How do you feel like your principles apply to women who were like in that like dieting. mindset. I mean, I know that I just said I have my experience with it, but or even disordered eating. I mean, taking the slow route to losing weight means having to feel the discomfort sometimes. It means me telling them, you might just lose one to maybe two pounds a week and that’s okay. That’s how you want it. But people want 30 pounds in 30 days.

Speaker #1
Yeah. So I think it’s, you know, first is that you are in control of it. Like and and, you know, you know that what you see on Instagram isn’t true. You know it. You just have to acknowledge that part of you that knows it. Right. And it’s almost like we have these habits of putting ourselves down because that’s what we’ve done our whole lives. So we look at social media and we feel the same way that you felt in high school, maybe. I don’t know. But what I try to empower people, it sounds like it all it’s it’s all within your reach. So I have what I call my R5 superpowers is, you know, like, let’s take this example of, you know, trying to lose weight fast. Your thoughts that that is the basis of everything. And you can control that. Nobody can make you think. I mean, nobody can make you think anything without your permission. Right. you can indulge yourself and be like, and go into yourself pity pop, but it really is a choice. You get to control that. Words are your thoughts expressed and your thoughts and your words will create like your belief, your beliefs, beliefs are just stories that you’ve heard over and over again, and that you believe are true. And some of them come from the outside, like your religion or the language that you speak, but others, you… developed by experiences, but beliefs are a gatekeeper.

Speaker #0
Because they’re either going to lead you to act in one way or not act in one way. So if you think that, I don’t know, like, I am fat. I’ve always been fat. My whole family’s fat. We’re all fat. And that’s your belief. Then maybe you don’t talk to a nutritionist to change your diet. Or maybe you, you know, like, you’ll take one, some, a set of actions that’s totally different than somebody that has the thought and the belief is like, okay, I want to change. my diet and I want to be healthier like that belief and those thoughts are going to lead them to a different set of actions and then those actions will have results like so if you have the thoughts and the belief that you’re fat you’ve always been fat um then you won’t go on the diet and so then you will continue you will have diabetes right and that will just reinforce the thought is like well I’m fat my whole family’s fat we all have diabetes whatever Whereas the other one is going to take you to another path. So you get to decide who you are. Nobody gets to decide that for you. So if in your mind, and I’m saying this because like my whole family’s chubby, we’ve always been, I had that thought so much in my life, right? But I have a choice of whether I want that to be me or not. And we don’t usually give ourselves that power. That’s where power lies.

Speaker #1
The beliefs, I think with a lot of my clients, I mean, really do get heavily ingrained in childhood and how you see your body and how your, you know, your body is viewed. So I went on my first diet when I was 11, because the adults in my family, men and women included were encouraging me to lose a couple of pounds because I… was filling out. I mean, I was becoming a teenager. That belief was so heavily ingrained in me for so many years because it was all over my family. It was so prevalent in my family. Everyone was on a diet. All the women were on diets. You’re not supposed to really like food. And it took me a lot of that inner work and mindset work and to break that belief system and the chain of that. It’s hard for some women to really get, break those ties. It’s,

Speaker #0
it’s, yes, it’s work. It’s hard. So what? Right? Like life is hard. Like things happen, you know, it’s, so that’s your challenge. Great. Work on it. Because if it didn’t bother you, then it wouldn’t be a discomfort to begin with. But clearly it comes up because you want to change or, you know, or that person. inside is like, well, I want to enjoy food. I want to have a healthy relationship with food. If that’s coming up for you, it’s almost, it’s like arrows pointing. It’s like, okay, let’s go here. You know, this, this is what we need to work on. Yeah. It’s work. You know, you’ve been, you, especially, you know, I’m 50 also. It’s like, I’ve been me for 50 freaking years. Something from my childhood that I want to change. Of course, it’s going to take work. I’ve been thinking that way for 50 years, but it’s a habit. That’s all it is. You know, it’s a thought pattern that we’ve had. And so if we do the work to go in there and to change the beliefs and to just being aware of it is already a huge step forward because then you can catch yourself. So, yeah, you know, like it’s hard, but so is not doing anything about it. And what most people do is that they wait until it’s like if you are in the elevator, right? And. Ground floor is hell, like absolute hell. You can get off on the 30th. You can get off on the 20th floor. You can get off on the 10th floor. You can get off on the ground floor and go all the way to hell. That’s fine. But that’s a choice, right? And people don’t have enough quote unquote strength because I don’t think it’s a strength thing, but for some reason they don’t get off the elevator on the 20th floor and on the 10th floor. They wait all the way to zero. to then take actions. And I mean, I was that, you know, I was freaking suicidal. I wasn’t zero. But the thing is, when you wait that long to make the decisions for yourself and to take that ownership and to change your discomfort, your choices are less. Like you don’t have as many choices because now you’ve already put yourself into a situation that, you know, you might be more limited and then the choices are going to be made for you. Because you let yourself get all the way there. And that sucks more, I think.

Speaker #1
Yeah, that’s a really great point. But life is hard, right? And life can be uncomfortable. I know, I think for me, you know, after being on like my 10th diet, I was so sick and tired of like beating myself up. I’m like, there’s got to be a different way to going about this. And that was the mindset that shifted me, you know, is to come at it with more kindness and compassion for myself and, but not give up. You know, I wasn’t, I wasn’t like giving up and it was a whole journey and it wasn’t comfortable. really uncomfortable sometimes took a lot of inner work.

Speaker #0
But isn’t, but, you know, but just because I think discomfort and comfort and discomfort and peace and joy and happiness, they can all coexist. Right. And I think that that’s part of what we, at least me, it’s like, well, I’m either like in a shithole or I’m great. You know, like I’m either, I’m, I’m either in this discomfort or I’m out of the discomfort. Like you can be both. And we are a lot of different things, you know, the same way that we have lots of different roles. You’re a business owner, a mother, a drug, like, you know, like the same with our emotions. And so it’s not all like, well, it’s either really shitty or really bad forever. It’s just, you know, you can learn if you demystify that discomfort and just. live with it, make it a part of your life. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have joy and happiness and peace and pleasure and all of those things. It just means that you can have those things and have this discomfort that you’re working through that will just eventually give you more of that happiness of that peace of that empowerment.

Speaker #1
There’s some people you talk to sometimes who just never seem to have any discomfort or pain, or they’ve, they were, they were raised in, you know, these families, everyone’s really close with each other. And No one’s had a conflict and they love their parents and their parents love them. And there’s no, there’s just no, it just seemingly, you know, any discomfort. They’ve never gone through anything really challenging or hard, which I don’t believe. I mean, I think that everyone goes through, you know, stuff, but do you feel like life is meant to be uncomfortable in a way is like, is that how we grow? Because like I said, there’s just those people who just have never. seemingly on the surface have gone through hard things. It almost seems like life is like handed to them. What do you think about that? You know, like, I mean, is, you know, I always, because I always say to myself, like, I, I’ve gone through my share of tragedies in my life and lots of discomfort and uncomfortable experiences. And it’s, you know, it’s made me a better person. What do you think about that? You know, the people who just kind of seem to like get this hall pass. Do we do we live better? You know, are we better human beings when we go through discomfort and uncomfortable experiences?

Speaker #0
I don’t think that they have that hall pass, though. So I remember like when I grew up, I grew up overseas. And so I was my parents were Cuban. They were expats. And I grew up in Brazil. And I remember… um, going to school one morning and I was in my air conditioned car, you know, and I had a driver that was taking us to school because that’s how it is in, in those countries. Um, and there was a kid my age begging for money on the outside, on the other side of the, you know, of the car. And I remember, and I must’ve been like in the second grade thinking as like, I didn’t do anything to deserve being the person sitting inside this car. Like it was just luck. I was born to my parents. He was born to his parents. And for a really long time, I wouldn’t allow myself to feel discomfort because I thought like I’m the lucky one that got to sit inside the car. Right. So there is no discomfort. That kid who lives in a slum, who has to beg for money like he has issues. I don’t have any issues. And it wasn’t true. Right. It’s just… the issues are different and they’re at different levels. So my, you know, I see, there’s like this show on HBO called Succession, which I’ve been like obsessed about, but like, but it is, you know, like a gajillion billionaire, they’re going to have issues too. Sure. They have all the money and it seems like life is handed to them, but they’re going to have issues. We all have them. So I don’t. I believe that when we allow ourselves to feel our discomfort, regardless of who we are and what our circumstances are, that’s when we’re really being honest with ourselves. Because I’m sure that person has had their fair share of challenges that to maybe somebody like me or you or that kid on the street. My thing is like, are you freaking kidding me? You’re complaining about that? But it’s a big deal to them. And that’s their discomfort to own and to overcome.

Speaker #1
You mentioned also the 20% power principle of discomfort. Tell me a little bit more about that and why it helps you face challenges with confidence. Sure.

Speaker #0
So it’s that thought that you will always have challenges. Like that person that seems to have life handed into them, they have challenges too. Like maybe for them, it’s that, you know, I don’t know, the… Amazon didn’t get there by 10 and they got there by 12, whatever, you know, their challenges might be different, but life doesn’t always go the way that we want it to go. And so I, I, you know, having, but discomfort is not our entire life either. It’s a part of it. So I just called it 20%, right? It’s not like it’s scientifically proven, but it’s just that, that there’s always going to be part of your life that is not working. the way that you want it to, or at the level that it could. And that’s your discomfort. And that just, that’s the area where you’re going to work on and where you’re going to grow and where you’re going to learn and you’re going to evolve. And when you solve a problem in that discomfort, it doesn’t mean that all of a sudden, well, now you’re 10% discomfort and 90% happy. You know, it’s like, there is no, I’ll be happy when there’s no destination. So what happens is that it’s not that your discomfort gets less. is that your container gets bigger. So my discomfort when I was a teen might be like, oh, I didn’t make the volleyball team. My discomfort as a parent is that my kid didn’t make the volleyball team and I have to pay the mortgage and the work. So life gets bigger. It doesn’t make it just less discomfort. So this idea of I’ll be happy when, it just doesn’t exist.

Speaker #1
So I guess there’s something to be said about the journey. right you said um what was it that you’re the joys and the journey yeah which how did i like i don’t want to go through the journey i don’t want to go through that like but it does give you a lot of satisfaction when you do get to like maybe your first milestone and then you’re next and then you’re next and yeah it’s just part of life is that we have to go through the challenges and the struggles

Speaker #0
And that’s where the joy comes in, right? Because if let’s say that your goal is whatever weight or that $10,000, like if you look at every day and you’re like, oh, today I had this little victory. I had that little victory. And you celebrate every step of the way. That’s where you find your joy today. Joy is not when you get there, because as we saw, there is no there. The joy is that you’re doing the things that you need to do. And you’re becoming the person that you need to become in order to reach all these milestones that you’re doing along the way. That’s where happiness is. You know, that’s where peace is. And that’s where confidence is. Confidence doesn’t come from being handed something. Confidence comes from doing something challenging and overcoming it.

Speaker #1
Well, Christina, this has been a enlightening conversation for me and I’m sure for my listeners. Tell me, how can people find you if they want to learn? more about you and get your book and can they work with you?

Speaker #0
Yeah. So the easiest thing is to go to my website, which is Christina M Ramirez. It’s Christina C R because it’s the Spanish way.

Speaker #1
I will link that in the show notes as well.

Speaker #0
So that is kind of the portal to everything that I do. And you can, it has a link to the book, which is on Amazon. But it has a link there and it has the different coaching programs that we do. I don’t do one-on-one coaching, but we do a lot of different coachings. We have like parenting and money and corporate and things like that. But if you’re out there and you’re listening, it’s like, wow, I wish that you would do something on relationships. Then just tell me because I’ve been doing a lot of like different book clubs. So we’ll read the book, but we’ll read the book together. And we’ll do a class based on relationships, like how do these tools apply to relationships or something like that. So just let me know.

Speaker #1
Sounds great. That sounds like a very important work. So thank you so much. I really appreciate your time and coming on here. And we’ll speak soon. Thank you.

Speaker #0
And as always, if you loved this podcast, please consider gifting me with a five-star review. It is so helpful for me to get the word out on real eating,

Speaker #1
our real bodies, and real food stories. Thank you so much and have a great week. Bye for now.